Heal me Today

I failed again — I let myself be controlled by my feelings and thoughts. For two whole weeks, I felt relatively okay, and I really believed I was getting better. But now I realize I was probably just suppressing my frustration in a way that temporarily worked.

Recently, I had a terrible fight with someone very close to me. Honestly, I’ve never been more afraid of what might happen next. The argument was triggered by something so small — just a simple question I didn’t manage to answer. I hadn’t even processed the question yet when I was already being confronted for not responding. I didn’t even fully understand it at the time, but I guessed its meaning from one word. It didn’t matter, though. The emotional “snake” had already been triggered, and I couldn’t stop it.

The details of the fight aren’t important. What surprised me most was what happened after. Somehow, we managed to talk it through and clear the air. And then something clicked.

I realized that the book I’m currently reading — Don’t Believe Everything You Think by Joseph Nguyen — holds much deeper meaning than I expected. In it, the author writes that the only way to be truly happy is to stop thinking so much. He explains how our negative emotions are created by our thoughts — not by external events. And in that moment, I saw myself clearly: I had created the pain I was feeling, entirely through my thinking.

It was a powerful insight. I even began to understand that men, who often seem to “think less” than women, might not be less emotional — but maybe just less entangled in thoughts, which allows them to feel more peace. Maybe they simply don’t feed the negative loop the way I do.

I still have a few chapters left to read, but I already believe what the book promises: that if I truly take in the message and learn to let go of my thoughts, I will emerge changed. Lighter. Freer. Better.

It’s sad that it took a breakdown for me to get here, but as I often remind myself — better late than never. If you, too, find yourself overwhelmed by emotions and stuck in thought spirals, maybe the answer really is to think a little less — and simply be.

With hope,
Zuzive