Heal me Today

Yesterday I wrote a very positive piece about finally finding my home.

Today feels different.

Not because anything changed on my side, but because the never-ending situation with my still husband keeps bringing unnecessary chaos. It often feels like the moment I am doing well — or even genuinely happy — something happens that disrupts the peace.

Today he called, and at first it was just small talk. Then he said he is afraid to talk to me because he expects drama. I calmly told him that there is no need for drama if communication is respectful.

He then asked whether he could take our daughter to a kids’ corner and introduce his girlfriend — not as his girlfriend, but as a colleague — together with her children. At this point, we are only six months separated, the divorce has not even started, and neither has hers. For me, this felt too much and too soon, so I said no.

I tried to be fair and rational. I understand that at some point another woman may be part of my daughter’s life. That reality doesn’t scare me. What matters to me is timing, safety, and emotional stability. I therefore suggested an alternative that made sense: that he could introduce her to our daughter naturally in a work setting, as a colleague. A neutral, calm environment.

Instead of discussion, I was met with yelling, insults, and a list of every mistake I ever made in our marriage.

That moment brought clarity.

I realised how often I fought his battles for him, protected him, softened the consequences of his decisions — sometimes even from himself. And today I understood that this role is no longer mine.

I see my own mistakes. I take responsibility for them.

But from now on, I step back.

He is free to make his own choices.

I am simply choosing not to carry the consequences for him anymore — especially when my only intention has been to protect our child and preserve a healthy relationship between them.

Some lessons cannot be prevented. They can only be lived.