Heal me Today

I’ve been quiet again for a while.

Not because I had nothing to say, but because so much has been happening that I needed to gather my thoughts first.

If it seems like I’m happy, calm, and at peace — I’m not.

I’m still hurting, still broken, still deeply sad.

But life goes on.

That’s the one constant that never changes.

I can’t keep looking back at the past, or dreaming of a shared future that no longer exists.

Now I’m focusing on the present moment — on building a home, on creating a new life.

I treated myself to something small: I bought a newer car. It makes me genuinely happy — a small reminder that I’m still moving forward, one step at a time.

Soon, my daughter and I will finally move into our new home. Until then, I just need to hold on a little longer.

The past few weeks have been very difficult — full of pointless arguments that I didn’t start. I’ve experienced humiliation and blame. And I’ve realized that it’s not me who keeps feeding the ghosts of the past — it’s him. He’s not ready to forgive, and that will make it hard for us to build a healthy co-parenting relationship.

I’ve done everything I could.

I’ve even forgiven what he did.

But he can’t do the same — not yet.

Still, I wish for us to have a kind and friendly relationship one day.

After all, he’s my family — whether I like it or not.

I wish we could at least rebuild the friendship we once had during our marriage.

I don’t know if that wish will ever come true.

But I won’t fight for it anymore.

I’ve learned that when the other person doesn’t want to try, the only thing we can do is respect it.

Because in life, nothing good can ever be forced.