Heal me Today

It’s been almost four weeks.

And while I can’t say I’m already happy—I can say that I’m on my way.

I’m doing well. Not perfectly, not every day, but genuinely better.

I don’t deny what happened. I don’t pretend. I’m not lying to myself or sugarcoating anything. But something inside me has shifted—truly shifted. On the way home from our vacation, I had what I can only describe as an awakening.

This thought keeps echoing in my mind:

If someone sees love and care as a burden, they’ve never really accepted love.

That realization hit me hard. But strangely enough, it set something free in me.

Since then, I’ve started searching for a new place to live. Not just any place—a house. Me, a middle child who has never lived in a house her whole life, is about to buy one. For myself and my daughter. We’re going to build something of our own. And that thought fills me with excitement.

This new beginning has become my anchor. Instead of pouring my energy into trying to save what’s already broken, I’ve redirected it into building something new. Something real. Something mine.

Yes, the hard moments still come—waves of sadness, grief, confusion, regret. They visit me, uninvited. But when they do, I remind myself:

Who I am.

Where I’m going.

What I deserve.

I’m keeping contact limited now—only as much as is truly necessary. And that boundary brings peace.

I’m also continuing therapy, and that’s helping too. But more than anything, what’s lifting me is this path I’ve chosen. My path. One that I’m carving out day by day, step by step.

I’m not focusing on why the relationship ended anymore. I’m learning to accept the fact that it did.

The big shift will come when we move out and I no longer see him daily. I wonder how it will feel. How I’ll manage a house on my own. How I’ll juggle everything. But honestly? I’m ready. Maybe not fully prepared—but ready. And genuinely looking forward to the challenge.