Heal me Today

Today, I feel a deep, heavy sadness. Maybe it’s the beginning of some kind of reconciliation with the situation… or maybe I’m just pretending to be okay. I really don’t know yet. What I do know is that sadness has taken hold.

Yesterday we had a conversation. It started calmly, but within moments it turned into conflict — accusations, tension, pain. It’s clear now: we are not able to communicate in peace. Not consistently. And that, more than anything, confirms for me that separation is the right path.
Not because I’ve given up. Not because I want to push him away. But because we both need space — space to breathe, to heal, to stop living in constant emotional turmoil.

Today, I tried to shift into something lighter. I went shopping with a friend. Took my daughter out for ice cream. Made a recovery playlist — yes, it’s mostly sad songs, but it’s my soundtrack for this time. I let it play, and I let the feelings come and go.

Yesterday also brought a little spark of hope. I received some positive news about possibly getting a new apartment. Nothing is certain yet, but just hearing that there’s a chance made me feel alive again. So I’ll keep working on it — creating a fresh start for just me and my daughter.
A place just for us. A space that reflects who we are. Feminine, peaceful, safe.

I imagine us there — watching movies, painting, reading, working out in our own little corners. Cooking side by side, her learning her first real recipes. I imagine biking together, swimming, running, laughing.

And yes — I know we could have done all that before. But the truth is, we often had to adapt to him. Plans fell apart too many times to count. Now we get to write our own schedule, our own story.

He doesn’t fly — but I do. And now I don’t have to keep my wings folded. We’ll travel where we want, when we want. We’ll explore, taste, live.

He’ll have his time.
I’ll have mine.
And this time, I’ll use it to create joy, stability, and adventure for us both.
We’re going to make our dreams come true. One step, one day at a time.