Heal me Today

Now that I’ve shared with you my imaginary world, I feel ready to open up about something else from my past.
When I was a little girl, I often took refuge in the world I had created for myself, especially when reliving painful experiences. I would constantly adapt this world to whatever I needed at the time. Looking back, I realize that creating an imaginary world is often a sign that a child is coping with trauma — maybe something for parents to be more aware of.

One memory stands out vividly. When I was about 8 or 9 years old, I had a friend who owned a dog. I loved going on walks with her and her mother — it was something I looked forward to deeply. I longed for a pet of my own, but my parents were strictly against it. So, I did what I could: I invented a story where I had a dog too.

Since they kept asking why I never brought my dog outside, I came up with a wild explanation. I told them that my dog was sick, that my parents had to travel to get him treated, that he had had a leg amputated, and that they were going to replace it with… a pig’s leg. And not just anywhere — it was supposedly being done in Moscow.
Reading this now, even I can’t understand how I came up with such a thing. But at that moment, it felt real to me.

Of course, they didn’t believe me. And unsurprisingly, our friendship didn’t last much longer.
Still, creating imaginary worlds became my refuge — a place to hide from the reality where my own father had once told me that I was an accident, a child they hadn’t planned or wanted.

I know now that these invented stories were more than just childish fantasies — they were my way of coping, of surviving. And while today I strive to live more in the real world, I’m grateful for that little girl who fought so hard to create a place where she could feel wanted and safe.