Heal me Today

I won’t lie to you—this path I’ve chosen is a difficult one. Mainly because I’m an impatient person. I want everything now. I want every problem solved immediately, not eventually. I don’t know how to just let things go. I’ve never been good at waiting—for the good, for the results, for peace. And because of that, I’ve been putting enormous pressure not only on myself, but also on the people around me.

That’s exactly why I decided to seek professional help.
Yes—I have a therapist.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to expect when I started. But I’ve been pleasantly surprised. We’ve connected, we understand each other, and I actually look forward to every session. They give me hope—not that my life will magically turn around, but that I will make it through. That no matter what the outcome is, I’ll make it through and eventually, I’ll feel happy again.

There are days I have no energy, when I fall into a deep melancholy and lose touch with myself. But somehow—still—I always find something that pushes me forward again. I don’t know how it works. I just know it happens.

But that’s not the point of this post.

Today I want to share a little piece of wisdom that came to me thanks to my books. During what I call my bad wave periods—the moments when negative emotions crash over me like waves, suddenly and without warning—I used to feel completely overwhelmed. As if I was slowly disappearing. Drained. Exhausted.

Crying helped. And honestly, I still believe it’s healing and nothing to be ashamed of. But I also wondered—what else could I do? How could I comfort myself when it feels like I can’t breathe?

And then I started building something.
A place.
In my imagination.
A sanctuary I now call home.

It’s not finished. I’m still building it, slowly, but I’d love to give you a little glimpse.

This imaginary home is set between the sea and the mountains. Not too close to the beach—just close enough to see the ocean and enjoy the sunsets. In the east, the hills rise gently, not quite mountains like the Himalayas, but soft and majestic. I placed my home in the middle, on a lush green meadow. A rocky dirt road leads up to it.

The first thing I built was a white picket fence. In front of it, I placed a classic box and leaned a beautiful mint-colored bicycle against it—just the kind I always dreamed of. I haven’t built the house yet, but I’ve planted raised flower beds and started a garden. I’m slowly creating my little oasis. Every time I accomplish something—big or small—I go back there and build a little more.

For now, I go there alone. That solitude is important to me.
It’s where I can sit on the grass, feel the wind, hear the sea, watch the birds, and soak in the peace. My sunflowers are always blooming, and the sky is forever blue.

Maybe one day I’ll find this place in real life. Maybe I’ll live there, really and fully.
But until then, it lives in me.
And that’s enough.

Please, don’t be afraid to dream.
Create your own sanctuary—even if it’s only in your imagination.
We all need a place that brings us peace, and yours is just waiting to be built.

With love,
Zuzive