Heal me Today

This weekend, I really felt the need to escape the city — to rest, recharge, and soak up some peace in the countryside. But, as they say, when we make plans, life often laughs. Instead of a quiet, relaxing escape, the weekend turned into a very social experience filled with family, friends, and unexpected moments.

And you know what? It wasn’t bad at all. Actually, it was eye-opening.

I spent a lot of time observing those around me, especially my husband. I noticed his desire to be active, to explore, to share time together. At first, I didn’t share the same enthusiasm, but I thought — why not try something different? Instead of resisting, I leaned in. I said yes. I didn’t show discomfort or try to control the outcome. I simply went with it.

The change was subtle but powerful. He was happy — really happy. His mood shifted, he was kind, attentive, excited just to be doing something together. I kept a bit of distance here and there (sometimes I still need space), but I showed up, with intention and warmth. And that was enough.

This weekend reminded me that sometimes, choosing to go along, even if something doesn’t feel perfect, can open up space for joy — not just for others, but for ourselves too. Normally, I tend to start from a place of criticism — questioning things, doubting people’s motives, or thinking about what might go wrong. Even when things turn out fine, that negativity often lingers. But not this time.

I said “yes” to everything. And I said it with a smile.

And it made a difference — not just in what happened around me, but in how I felt inside.

You know, they used to call me “sunshine.” I was always smiling, always bringing joy, even when it rained. Somewhere along the way, that smile faded. I’m not sure when it happened, but I know it’s been gone too long.

So now, I’m working on bringing it back — even if it feels forced at first. I read once about an exercise: smile at yourself in the mirror for five minutes a day. It felt odd, even fake, when I tried it. But I’m realizing — maybe that’s how healing starts. Maybe a forced smile is just the beginning of a real one.

I’m learning to be that “sunshine” again. And maybe, little by little, I’ll get there.