Heal me Today

The First Step

I’ve been asking myself for days: What should be my very first article on this road to healing?
It’s a hard one—because this path is deeply personal, and starting means uncovering parts of myself I’ve hidden for a long time.

Right now, I’m in a difficult chapter of life. My relationships—friendships, and especially my marriage—are being tested. We’re caught in what feels like a never-ending cycle, a kind of emotional gridlock. There’s frustration, tension, and conversations that are less like bridges and more like battlegrounds.

During one of those exchanges, something shifted. I felt it so intensely—it was as if time froze. My body was still, but my soul… it felt like it had quietly slipped away and started to shut down. That moment scared me. That was my wake-up call.

At first, I believed the problem was purely within our relationship. I started reading books, diving into psychology, searching for answers. But somewhere along the way, I realized: yes, the relationship needs work—but so do I. Nothing around me will truly change unless I begin with myself.

So I started to rewind. To go back to the beginning.
And I won’t sugarcoat it—my past didn’t involve physical violence, but the wounds were psychological. Emotional.

My father told me more than once that I wasn’t planned. That they already had three children and didn’t want more—but, well, “there you were,” and so they accepted it. The message was clear: I was an accident.
Not exactly the foundation for feeling truly wanted or loved.

Those words etched themselves into my soul. I buried the pain deep down, thinking if I just moved on, it would fade. But it never really did. It stayed, quietly shaping the way I see myself, the way I connect with others.

Now, I’m here. I’ve decided to stop running. I’m learning to face those memories, to feel the pain instead of silencing it. To forgive—myself, and even them. It’s not easy. But it’s a beginning.

This is the first step on my healing journey. And if you’re reading this and something inside you whispers “me too,” then maybe we can take this step together.